#i am just missing being creative and doing stuff for me and not everyone else

[sweater-daddiesdumbdork]

Another busy hectic day where there is no slowing friggin down.

[ffc1cb]

new art blog

the short version:

1. i made a new art blog: @cbge;

2. @ffc1cb will stay up as an archive.

the long version:

hi everyone. this announcement is somewhat late, since the blog in question has been up for a few months now, and i’ve already started posting art on it. the reason it took me so long to “reveal” it is because i’ve been trying to figure out whether a new blog is something i actually want, or if it's just me throwing darts at a board, trying to make myself feel better somehow.

i don’t know when precisely it all started, but ever since sometime last year i’ve been going through a hard time, both emotionally and creatively. i’m not sure whether being depressed is what made art harder, or art becoming harder is what made me depressed (a bit of both, i think), but lately, drawing has been a struggle. 

i’ve found myself having less and less energy for art, and this lack of energy resulted in poorer quality of drawings, which resulted in me feeling like i’m getting worse at it, despite my efforts. i knew i could make good art, art that i’m proud of - i’ve done so countless times before, - but somehow it felt like i just couldn’t anymore, like my hands forgot how to. nothing looked right. 

i’ve been trying to experiment. i’ve learned some new things, tried this and that - it was enlightening, to say the least, and even though i kind of liked how it looked, it made me feel a sense of displacement. i was at odds with myself, my art, and how i felt about it, when previously i was always in sync. i was making art, yes, and it looked nice, but it felt like it wasn’t mine.

i suppose part of it was also the growing lack of engagement, and i don’t mean likes and reblogs - i never particularly cared about those. they are all just numbers to me; dry and impersonal. what i’m talking about is actual, human interactions: personal thoughts in tags, asks, replies, etc. a conversation. 

i don’t mean to sound “old” or anything, but i remember when talking to artists online was more commonplace. my wife tells me it’s because the internet culture has changed over the years, that people have become more reclusive, less willing to be open with their thoughts, and she's probably right, but in my slump i find it hard to believe. somehow it feels like it’s my fault for being less “engaging”, for seeming unapproachable or perhaps intimidating. maybe it’s “just a skill issue”, maybe it’s because i have stopped churning out fanart for popular fandoms, maybe it’s because i refuse to torture myself emotionally by having an art account on twitter (i can’t fucking stand the place anymore; i still post nsfw art there, but only because it’s literally one of the only places on the internet that allows you to do so. i miss when you could post female presenting tits on tumblr).

i have always, ever since i started posting art on the internet back in 2012, done it for human connection. i wanted to talk to people, and have people talk to me. i wanted to inspire people with my art, and i wanted to bring them comfort. i wanted to elicit an emotional response, and have people tell me about it. it was one of the main reasons i drew in the first place; having lost that, i’ve been struggling to stay passionate about making art.

i miss being a small artist on the internet during the 2010s. i remember when i could make a post going, “hey everyone, how are you all doing today?” and it would not seem weird to people in the slightest. it is just me? does anyone else feel that way? am i too deep in my own head? the internet feels so unwelcoming nowadays, especially to artists. we are all just content machines; people scroll by our stuff, or maybe look at it for half a second and leave a like before scrolling away. i know it’s unfair to demand people’s attention, especially now when our lives are already so overwhelmed by everything - no one has the energy to pay closer attention; i myself am not immune to mindless scrolling. but it feels bad. i wish we were all sincere and enthusiastic again.

anyway (sorry for rambling. i hope i haven’t bored you to death), you might want to say, okay, but how is making a new art blog on a “dying” social platform going to help with any of that? the truth is, i don’t know. i just felt like i needed a change. 

i’ve been running this blog since 2016 (that’s almost 8 full years!). i feel incredibly attached to it, but at the same time, i feel it weighing me down. 

there are people who followed me years ago for one specific thing, still expecting me to post about said thing (i still find it mindboggling that some people follow artists for a specific fandom only, but that is a whole other matter for a whole other post that i will never write). a third, if not half, of my following are probably dead blogs. and with my current struggle with trying to regain the joy i once felt for making art, looking back at all the art i’ve done over the years makes me feel tired. i still love it all; it’s all very dear to me. i’m proud of it; looking at it makes me mourn my younger and more passionate self.

so i’ve decided to make a new blog, where i will let myself post whatever i want, in whatever stage of donness i feel like. maybe it will help me, somehow. maybe it won’t. but if you care about my art, if you want to keep following me on my artistic journey, i welcome you to join me there. similarly, feel free not to - no hard feelings.

thank you everyone for your support over the years; it matters a lot to me. i’m not planning to delete or private this blog; it will stay up, and i will still be reachable on here. i will still answer asks, if there will be any. i’m just not planning to post any art here anymore. this is it for my dear old friend ffc1cb.

i can be found in other places:

@cbge, as mentioned earlier,

@k0nstanta, an art blog dedicated solely to my wife and i’s ocs,

@inquisimail, a dragon age ask blog that has become my dragon age sideblog in general,

and multiple other blogs, none of which are art related, but feel free to ask, if you’re curious.

thank you very much for reading all of this. i hope you have a wonderful day.

[acebytaemin]

[end of an era]: closing #analook

first of all, i want to say thank you times five billion to everyone who’s ever tagged me in a post. it goes without saying that i have enjoyed every single one of them and will treasure this entire experience and all the beautiful creations i’ve gotten to see (and discuss in great lengths in the tags of course 🤭). now, that’s partly the reason why i feel like i should wrap it up - you all create such wonderful things and they all deserve my full attention and all the yapping i can muster yet sadly just don’t have the time to type up. it’s silly how much it’s meant to me (i might be tearing up a little) and how much i’m going to miss it, but i really do think it’s for the best. of course, feel free to @ me or send me any post of yours in the future - you know i’ll respond with enthusiasm. though it won’t come close to a gif/edit/artwork, i’ve typed up little thank-you notes to the main contributors to #analook as a token of my gratitude under the cut. love & appreciate you all SO so so so much! 💖

@atlantis-area - my dearest alexa, the reason i even started a user tag and got to experience all this, thank you The most 💖 hopefully you already know how grateful i am for you, so i won’t make it too long. it’s been a pleasure (and will continue to be) to watch your giffing style evolve and to get to be a fan of taemin alongside you. love you! 🩵

@herewegobebe - oh my darling ru where do i start 🥹 i’m soooo so thankful for your wonderful presence and your gifs (as ive already told you numerous times). you’ve been a real highlight of my tag (it’s still a bit of a starstruck moment for me to be your mutual/get tagged in your gifs tbh!) and it’s going to make me really really sad to potentially miss some of your gifs now but best believe i’ll be checking ur blog whenever i can 🙂‍↕️💖

@minhosblr - MAJA my number one gorgeous wino gif source i literally can’t believe you even tagged me in them to begin with i feel like it’s all been such a successful fan moment 🥹🐰🫶🏻 thank you so so much & ofc expect me all up in your tags regardless 😽💓

@kimsuyeon - my lili the absolute master of gifs with gorgeous quality and beautiful coloring and stunning women like you can truly do no wrong in my books anytime i see a gif of yours i get giddy and feel like cracking my knuckles and going IN in the tags. thank you soooo much for gracing me (and everyone else) w your gorgeous gifs 💝

@pink-vacancy - the way im going to miss yuna & mina served on a beautiful platter cannot be overstated.. thank you so much for adding a beautiful touch of cherry red spice to my tag 🙂‍↕️🍒💋 (and kinda beside the point but also for always being SO incredibly sweet & nice to me)

@faunandfloraas - jess my third favorite australian 🤭💕 your creativity and collecting moments/pulling parallels + funny tags have brought me very many giggles, thank you saaaaur much 😽💕

@chanrizard - sa thank you soooo much for my chan gif fixes 💖 and SORRY for all the stuff you’ve had to read in your tags and still tagging me regardless lmfaojfkdjdk you best believe you’ll keep on reading them as i’ll be a frequent visitor of your blog from now on 🫡

@rainknow - your art has been one my favorite things to find in my tag, thank you so so so much for using it! most wonderful capturing of lino i’ve ever seen, no one does his eyes justice like you do 😽💖 (pls if you ever feel like it and i don’t see a post of ur art mention me or send it to me - it’d be highly appreciated!)

@linoyes - thank you SO much for amping up the amount of linos in my tag, it’s been such a delight to see your giffing evolve and im excited to keep yapping in your tags in the future 🤭💞💞💞

@jonghyunluvr - your jjong/taemin posts are always so enjoyable, i love your insights and how you notice the same things as me sometimes hehe 🩵🩵 please do keep sending them to me by all means 😌

@shorelinnes - raf pleaseeee if you want to still send me or tag me in your art.. i’d be so sad to miss it and your gorgeous gifs too! im so very happy to have you around and i appreciate all the posts you’ve tagged me in so so much 💞

@strayklds - em i remember being nervoussss to ask you to tag me hdksjdk i think your gifs are so good and want to thank you Very much for tagging me in them! it’s really been a pleasure 🫶🏻

@briankang - TAY my minchan friend and my bangchan gifs supplier you best believe i’ll be checking your blog 🤭 thank you SO much for all you’ve tagged me in so far 💖 (still thinking abt your minchan ate teasers edits.. changed my life now idk if for the better or worse but. lives have been changed for sure)

@taeiltual - bex your gorgeous edits truly make me think that most of these companies truly need to do better, thank you so much for making everyone look more beautiful and tagging me along (hehe) for the ride! 💖

@ashmp3 @kissoflifes - thank you two SO much for using my tag as intended and for the highest purpose of all - in your gorgeous selfies! (& thank you zaynab for your beautiful gifs too ofc ofc) for sure still send them to me if i happen to miss them we Do Nottt want a tragedy like that to ever strike. love u my beautiful friends 💞💞

@28reas0ns - not directly related to my tag (though you did tag me in a couple of beautiful sets!) but just wanted to once again thank you for my header gif(s) i’ll really treasure them for a long time 💝

and a shoutout to everyone who’s tagged me in a few of their posts, thank you thank you thank you from the bottom of my heart! it’s really felt special every single time and i can’t thank you all enough for thinking of me and inviting me to yap in your tags like one would a vampire into their home. MWAH appreciate you all soooo so much 💖💖💖:

@reiiofsunn 💖 @drzephyr 💖 @hyunjinsource 💖 @minho-knows 💖 @speakofcompersion 💖@linolinoing 💖 @sunugf 💖

[lvrsparadise]

'WHY (NOT)?' - S.T

Synopsis - "There used to be six of us. Now I'm alone."

Warnings! - Mentions of death, blood, (mild) gore, fear, vomit, profanity, italics mean flash back (will write at top who's pov), depictions of murder, sharp objects, angst, crying, yelling, implied Matt x Y/N, might make a pt2 don't know yet.

A/N - You know what's the best part about being creative? THIS ISN'T MY IDEA!! I GOT IT FROM PINTEREST! But like, BANGER. I had sm fun writing this ngl. (I cried, multiple times.)

I look into the eyes of the police officer across from me, exhaling frustratedly.

"I swear! I didn't do it! Something attacked us!"

"And how am I supposed to believe you? There's no footage of it."

I groan out, even more frustrated than before. I lay my head in my palms, which are shaking from what I saw, and frustration.

I hear the cop sigh and his chair scraping against the floor, as he stands and leaves the room.

----

!Y/N POV!

I look out the window at the old and abandoned mansion we're about to head into and unbuckle my seatbelt, looking at everyone else in the van.

"Dude I'm stoked." Chris daps Nate up as they get out of the car and head to the trunk to get our stuff.

I smile softly and shake my head.

"I'm honestly terrified."

"Me too" Me and Madi say in unison to Nick.

I turn my head to Matt, in the driver's seat next to me, and we share a look for a while, just taking each other in, before I step out of the car to help Chris and Nate with the stuff we brought.

"Dude, what if some like creepy old ghost haunts this place and like, possesses one of us?"

"How can you say that with a straight face Nate?"

He shrugs with a small smirk on his mouth as he hands me my backpack.

I roll my eyes and open my bag to make sure I have everything I need.

Flashlight, food, water, clothes, a blanket, my pocketknife, and batteries.

-

Once we're all set with our gear, we all collectively walk into the mansion, splitting up into groups of two.

Chris with Nate. Me with Matt, and Nick with Madi.

We all have cameras to record our own little adventures. We all are in different parts of the hose.

Me and Matt are upstairs, looking at all of the bedrooms, studies, and libraries.

"Woah, look at this painting."

I point my flashlight at the painting above a really gaudy and luxurious bed set, with is dirty and dusty.

It's a painting of a lady in a pencil thin bodice, long dress, and her eyes hollow and sunken. Her skin pale and bruised in several places.

"Holy fuck. That's nightmare fuel." He points our camera at the painting as he speaks.

"I know." I whisper as we continue looking around the room, filming all of it.

-

"So, as I was saying guys-" My foot hits something, and I furrow my brows looking down at whatever it is, my eyes soon widening in fear.

"Matt! MATT!" I yell out for him, running to where I was with him last, thankfully finding him there.

"Woah! Hey! Hey, what's wrong?"

I gulp and shake my head, my eyes filling with tears and my eyes still wide. I feel like I'm going to puke.

I just start walking back to where my foot hit the thing on the ground. I point my flashlight down to it, gagging at the sight of Chris laying on his back, dead.

His eyes, not there, blood coming from his mouth, and many large gashes on his chest.

I feel my breathing pick up, and a hand on my shoulder, ultimately ripping my gaze away from the once fun, and bubbly guy, now laying on the floor dead.

I hear Matt gag and watch as he does a full 180 and holds his hand over his mouth.

----

I cry for what feels like the hundredth time today. Not caring about the cops and investigators on the other side of what I know is a one-sided window.

The sight of seeing everyone I love, and the guy I've been crushing on, dead, all missing their eyes. A horror I'll never forget for as long as I live.

I hear the door open again, and don't bother to look at it. These handcuffs were really starting to hurt.

I hear whoever it was plop down in the chair across from me and drop a file on the table.

I wipe my face the best I can with the cuffs and look up at the person.

It's a different cop or whatever than the many who've came in here.

"I'm not here to interrogate you or overwhelm you with questions, I'm here to help you grasp the severity of this situation and why your co-operation is valuable right now."

"I'm telling the truth! I didn't murder my fucking friends!"

She holds up her hand in a motion telling me to stop, and she opens the file, pulling our multiple photos, and angles of my friends, all dead. Pale, eyes sunken and gouged out.

I gag at the pictures. She points to one of Matt's photos, a picture of him alive and happy next to the horrifying image I'll never forget seeing.

"This is Matthew Sturniolo? Correct?"

I nod and swallow the bile in my throat and clearing it before speaking.

"Y-Yes that's him."

"Okay. And this one?" She points to a photo of Madi, looking barely recognizable. I sob quietly and nod, sniffling.

"That's- That's Madi- uh, Madison Filipowicz."

She points to a photo of a boy in a backwards hat that I recognize as Nate's. I feel more tears fall down my face at the fact he's too unrecognizable on his face that the only reason I knew it was him was by his blood-soaked Boston Red Sox hat.

"Nath- Nathan Doe."

"And this one's Nicolas? Right?"

I nod as she points to a photo of Nick.

"Y-yeah." I blow out a shaky breath.

"So that leaves this one to be Christopher." She gestures to the photo of Chris. I don't even bother to look at it, fearing I might actually puke all over this table, the photos, and the lady's nice tan pantsuit.

----

!CHRIS'S POV!

Me and Nate watch Matt and Y/N walk up the stairs in front of us, but once we reach the top, we split and go opposite directions.

"Dude! Look at this old ass record player." Nate points his flashlight to the record player in the middle of the room.

"It's so fucking dusty."

"Well, no shit. It's probably been here for a hundred years."

"Ha ha. Although, probably has. This place looks like if you breathed wrong it'd fall over."

I drag my finger along the back of the chair, and it was dusty as hell.

-

After a bit of walking around, we make it to a large hall with a long table in the middle and chairs, on every side of the table.

"What're we here for? Dinner." I snicker at Nate's joke and shine the flashlight on it, while using my other hand to point the camera at it as well.

"Damn, hoity toity ass dining table." I mumble. Out of the corner of my eye, I see a shadow, or like a figure, but I brush it off as the light from the flashlight and mine or Nate's silhouette.

"Look at that dude!" Nate points his flashlight at a painting at the head of the table. A dude in his 40's maybe 50's with chops and a bald head, wearing some goofy ass clown collar.

"Dude looks like his name was fucking, Edward or Baldwin."

"This house has to be at least 200 years old or some shit. Because there's no way this fucker existed a hundred years ago."

I laugh at Nate's words. But I'm cut off by a scream from down the hall. Both me and Nate look at each other and point our flashlights to the staircase we came up, just in case.

"The fuck was that?"

"I don't kno-" Another scream. Sounds like.

"Madi."

"Fuck." I go to run down the stairs, but I'm yanked back by my backpack. Hard.

I hit the ground with a 'umphf' and a groan, having the air knocked out of me.

I cough and hear Nate yelling my name.

"CHRIS! CHRIS WATCH OUT!"

But I feel cold on my chest and look down to it to see at least 5 large gashes across my chest.

"The fuck-?" I mumble and look up to see some whack ass thing, with fingers as long as my fucking arm. And sharp looking. Black eyes, or none at all, I can't tell. And so many fucking large teeth.

My eyes widen in horror at the sight of the thing. It's skin grey and yellow, his body thin and tall, adorned with large bone like wings and spikes in its spine and its knuckles.

I don't even get a chance to let out a full scream when I feel a sharp pain in my eyes, and everything goes black and numb.

----

I rub my wrists as they take the cuffs off me so I can eat what they gave me. Which looks amazing, but I have no appetite.

It's a pork loin, mashed potatoes, green beans, fries, some juices, some fruits like pineapple, apple, strawberry, and some baby carrots and cucumbers.

Like I said, looks delicious, but if I try to eat it, it might comeback up.

The cop leaves the room and I'm left alone with my thoughts again.

I sigh and pick up the plastic fork, scooping up some mashed potatoes and eating a little bit. But they don't taste how they should. They feel like sandpaper against my mouth. Like grit, and I have to force myself to swallow it. I know it's not the food, but me.

I push the tray away and rest my arms on the table, laying my head on them and sobbing, but no tears come out. I've dried them up. I mean can you blame me? I just watched almost every single one of my friends die.

I wish I had told Matt how I felt. Maybe I wouldn't feel like this. Like I'm missing something. Like I could've convinced them not to go. Like I could've helped instead of just watching.

Maybe then all of my friends wouldn't be dead.

It's crazy how much one little decision can cause. Like, deciding to go to that mansion in the first place. If we'd just stayed home or brought professionals maybe, then I wouldn't have watched them die. Watch as their eyes were poked out and watch as their bodies sag to the floor.

I scoot the chair back and puke under the table, unable to hold it down anymore. It's all too much.

After I vomit, I pick up the cup of water from the table and wash my mouth out. I squeeze my eyes shut and try to rid myself of those images.

-

I rub my eyes and watch as, yet another cop enters the room, accompanied by what looks to be either a journalist or a lawyer, they dress the same so I can't tell.

They sit across from me, and the journalist or lawyer lady sets a recorder, a file, and a plastic bag on the table as the cop throws down another file.

"I want you to tell me what happened Ms. L/N. In full detail. Explain what happened to your friends, as well as why you survived." The journalist, I've confirmed, speaks in a demanding tone, but still so monotone, and pushes a lock of her jet-black hair behind her ears.

"You asked for it." I shrug and scoot closer to the table, careful to avoid my pile of vomit on the floor, and rest my arms on the cool metal surface, lacing my hands together.

"So, Matt Nick and Chris are- were YouTubers, and they had a cool video idea that they wanted to do. So, they we set a date, got everything packed, invited a few friends, me included, and we set off to the old Gordon family mansion in Los Angelas. Once we got there, we all split up into groups of two, seeing as there were six of us." I clear my throat and stammer over my words for a second before continuing.

"Uh- Me, Matt, Chris, and Nate went to the second floor to explore while Nick and Madi were on the first floor, looking around there. Nate and Chris went in one direction and Me and Matt went another. We-we, we stumbled upon a series of paintings of a family, looking almost dead, and that's when I-" I take a deep breath before trying to continue. Keyword, trying.

The journalist sighs and places one of her hands on top of mine, in sympathy.

"It's okay, take as much time as you need."

I take another deep breath and continue.

"I was walking when I kic-kicked Chris's body, unknowingly. I yelled for Matt, and I ran back to him to bring him to it. Once we got to his- his body, we both just broke- broke down and soon after I had found him, Nate appears out of nowhere, seemingly hiding. With a horrified face. Just, completely pale and his eyes wide open, like they were stuck like that. And he said he saw what had happened."

"Can you tell us that?" The cop asks, and I nod.

"Ye-yeah." I drag in a shaky breath and le it out slowly.

"Um- there was this- this thing, he said. And it was at least 8 feet tall, and you could see the bones through its gray skin. It had bone like wings, spikes coming from his spine and knuckles, and horns made of bone spiking through its head. He said it had no eyes, or they were just black, and large, spikey teeth. And it had long spikes for fingers, and that he saw as the- the thing poked Chris's- Chris's..." I let out a small sob at the recall of what Nate said, moments before his own untimely death.

"It poked out Chris's eyes with his long fingers and Chris barely got a chance to scream out." I finish and sob into my hand, which is now covering my eyes and shaking again.

"What happened after Nathan told you what happened?" The cop is writing in his little flip-notepad, scribbling things down, most likely the description of whatever it was that killed my friends.

"Uhm- We heard something that sounded like a crying scream and a siren, the next thing we knew, Nate was flying towards me and Matt, he landed on me, pinning my body down as he lays on his back on top of me. The thing he had described seconds before, was now standing over me, gashing at Nate, with screams and wails of agony coming from him. Then, it all went silent, when I opened my eyes, the thing was gone, and I scrambled to my feet, pushing Nate's body off of me, and that's when I see, he's missing his eyes and he's almost unrecognizable." I let out a muffled sob into my hand as I try to hold back the sobs, my throat forming a lump in it, making it hard to speak.

'Then what?" Despite the circumstances, the journalist has a very soft and comforting voice.

"Me- me and Matt ran back downstairs, looking for Nick and Madi. Thankfully, we found them, alive, and we said in a rush and rambled mess that we had to go, something was there, we're all going to die. Something along those lines, and they were like, or Nick was like 'slow down, what's going on?' and so we slowed down and told him what happened. And it was like speaking about that damn thing summoned it, because the next thing I know, it's standing behind Madi..." I blow out a shaky breath and close my eyes for a second, but open them quickly, seeing as the only thing I see when I close them is the horrifying images of my friends dying in front of me.

"And then she's being thrown across the room with 4 to 5 gashes on her chest and then the thing seems to teleport, and looms over her as she screams in pain, fear, and pure agony. Then it's silent again. And Madi's dead." I hang my head in my hands, more tears slipping down my cheeks.

"What happened next?" I sniffle and wipe my face, looking back at the cop and journalist in front of me. Both of their faces intrigued, and full of sadness and sympathy.

"Me, Matt, and Nick start running for our lives to the front door of the house, but we can hear and feel the thundering footsteps of the creature behind us. Making that wailing slash siren sound again. We made it out the door, but the thing catches Nick just as we do. I grab my pocketknife from my backpack, and I throw it at the thing, landing right in between its eyes. And bright, glowing blue blood starts oozing from its eyes, and where my knife is lodged in its skull. I remember the fear I had in that moment. Because that means, I'm about to lose another one of my friends. And Matt is about to watch his own brother die, right in front of him." I choke out a sob and shake my head slowly. Seeing it was enough, but having to tell someone about it? Makes everything so much worse.

"Then same thing with Nick as the others. Except the thing kept Nick standing while it- it- it killed him. And I watched as his body sagged to the floor, landing with a thud and a pool of blood instantly forming around it." I gag reflexively, but I hold it down.

"Me and Matt ran as fast as we could, but it wasn't enough. It was never supposed to go that far! I wasn't supposed to lose Matt! He was the one who was to survive!" I sob and yell out, pointing my finger in the air at no one specifically.

"We- we made it to the car and started to drive off, but the fucking thing crushed the back half of the car!"

----

!Y/N POV!

"Matt! Come on! Drive! GO!"

"I'm driving Y/N!"

The car seems to shrink and then next thing I know, we're doing burnouts from not having the back half of his car anymore. I'm sobbing at this point.

"I don't want to die!"

"You're not going to Y/N... I promise."

"Wh-what?"

He smiles softly at me before he kisses the back of my hand and unbuckles my seatbelt.

"When I get out, I want you to run."

"No- no. I'm not leaving you Matt."

"What am I without Chris? Or Nick? Nate? Madi? It's better this way."

"But Matt..."

He shakes his head firmly and steps out of the car, cueing me to run.

I shrug off my backpack and run out of the passenger seat, booking it, but stopping and turning around to see Matt, and hearing his screams.

My hands fly over my mouth at the sight of Matt getting his eyes poked out. The creature dropping his body to the ground as though it were a doll.

The thing stalks back into the house, leaving me outside.

Once I know the thing is gone, I run to Matt's body and grab his hand, holding it to my face, sobbing.

"No. no, no, no, no, no." I shake my head repeatedly.

----

"Why leave you alive?" The cop furrows his eyebrows as he looks up from his notepad.

"I don't know." I shake my head and sob, almost uncontrollably, but not loudly.

The journalist nods and takes my hands in hers.

"I know what you saw is deeply traumatic, but was there Anything else that happened? Anything that could help us with this?"

"Nothing else happened. I swear." I shake my head and control my sobs, tears still streaming down my face.

--

After a few more hours of waiting in this very uncomfortable chair, a cop, and what looks to be the chief, walk in and I immediately straighten my posture, out of respect.

"Miss L/N, correct?"

"Uh- yes sir."

"We're letting you go, but we will be checking up on you weekly. You're free to go. And stay safe out there."

I nod and stand up from the metal chair, walking over to the chief and shaking his hand.

"Will do."

-

After I've gone through the whole, discharge process, I'm walking out of the glass doors of the police station.

My phone starts ringing from my pocket, and I grab it out and answering it.

"Yeah?"

"Well done. You really know how to hold a story."

"Well, you know how to play dead." I smirk.

"And you did good playing the victim. Make it home safe. See you tonight Y/N."

"See you then Matt."

Tags ! ✮

@dwntwn-strnlo ✮ @ssturniolo ✮ @strniolo ✮ @20nugs ✮ @prettysturniolo ✮ @mxqdii ✮ @thetriplets3 ✮

If you want to be added to the list, all you have to do is ask !! ✮

I love all of you guys !

And I hope you all have a wonderful day and / or night ✮

[brilla-brilla-estrellita]

Ten Questions for Writers

Thank you for the tag @shrekgogurt! I'm missing these on my dash, apparently, becuase I've only seen yours and one other! I'll have to go search for everyone else's.

How many works do you have on AO3? 3 (technically 4 but we orphaned one of them out of shame)

What’s your total AO3 word count? 19,544

What fandoms do you write for? I guess technically the answer is Simon Snow and Heartstopper, but the Heartstopper stuff is also crossed over with Simon Snow, so.... I also have a collection of Harry Potter drabbles from high school (and I think even one from a few years ago???) in my phone that will never see the light of day.

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? Yes! Because they're so nice and lovely and someon took the time to write to me, so I want to write back, but then sometimes idk what to say other than "thank you!" so I second guess myself and put off responding for a while and then one day I go "OH SHIT I never responded to that one???" and I go back and I just post the "thank you!" I'm a mess.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Nope

Have you ever co-written a fic before? Yes! With one person (my best friend), and it's definitely the best thing I've written. I think I'd probably do really well collaborating with more people, but I'm still so scared to show people my work, especially my in-progress work! I need to leave the comfort zone, but also... that's hard.

What’s your all-time favorite ship? SnowBaz SnowBaz SnowBaz!

What are your writing strengths? Right now, I'm not feeling like I have any writing strengths. I am at an all-time-low in confidence these days, including creative writing. All that being said, I enjoy dialogue and find it comes most easily, so I think dialogue is probably my biggest strength? Even when I was starting to like what I was writing, I didn't feel like I had any strengths other than dialogue. Like I said, I'm a mess.

What are your writing weaknesses? Descrtiption is rough. And I have a hard time writing like... soft physical touch? At least if I know someone else is going to see it. Doesn't even have to be erotic in any way, just regular ol' sweet kisses and hugs and idk whatever other touches. I'm a very touch-positive person in real life, but writing it just feels awkward. And I think it does have more to do with whether someone will be reading it or not, so maybe goes back to the confidence issue. Maybe I should bring this up with my therapist...

First fandom you wrote for? Harry Potter, but the first fandom I published for was Simon Snow.

Tagging: @bookish-bogwitch @onepintobean @technetiumai @martsonmars @cutestkilla

@fatalfangirl @ileadacharmedlife @moodandmist @thewholelemon @mooncello

@theearlgreymage

[ciderjacks]

I watch some of Watcher's stuff, tell me whatever you want about Shane Madej!

HOUGHHHH. OHHRHFHTHABK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOY

i think a lot of people who are aware of Shane sort of just think of him as the skeptic guy on bfu/ghost files (not saying that’s u obv just a lot of ppl bc I guess I need this to be a pitch meeting) and I think that is a shame because HOLY SHIT HES SO TALENTED AND COOL AND WEIRD AND THE SHIT HE MAKES IS SO FUCKIKNG INSANELY GOOD

Ok so going back in time for a second to b*zzfeed. Who btw did not deserve this guy. Afaik he had two major like, creative projects on there. Ruining History and The Hot Daga. Both were very good. ruining history was a fun history show he did with Sara and Ryan and there are rotating guests every episode. Shane is very interested in history, very good at teaching history, and i think in an alternate universe hes a beloved high school history teacher. Ruining History is the father of puppet history. B*zzfeed canned it and i miss it every day. and then there’s the other father of Puppet History, Hot Daga. Hot Daga is insane. I love Hot Daga, its not for everyone, but I think its so good. The lore goes crazy, he produced and made original songs for it, he animated the whole final half season by himself which is fuckinf insane. He made a ballad for it and actually i need everyone reading this to Listen to “believe me maizey” and then directly after listen to the Meteor Ballad from Puppet History. OH LOOK A SEGWAY

Puppet history is so fuckinf good. Its So Good. And especially in later seasons since hes doing so much you really start to see his improvement as an artist and its just. Its incredible. Some of the somgs are genuinely fucking masterpieces, like some of my favs are The Flower Boat Song, Asmodeus, The Horse and God song, the Emu song, Big Pile Of Diamonds, Infinitiger, The Window Song, Gay Oars Duet, Hologram Professor Song, and the Meteor’s Ballad. And more. Uhh OH the Olympic Torch is really good too. His lyrics are so smart and fun and his vocals are so impressive and he has such good range, he duetted Himself for the Oar song and managed to make the two voices identifiable as separate characters without being over the top. The lyrics range from poetic anf beautiful to weird and funny often within the Same song! Its just so good and he starts so good and gradually over the years he’s done the show you can see him getting more comfortable and better at music which is crazy causw again HE STARTED OFF GOOD! HE WAS INSANE IN HOT DAGA AND HE IS SOMEHOW EVEN BETTER IN PUPPET HISTORY LIKE! and and and ok here’s where I get crazy and a little parasocial (lol not really i am misusing that word for the bit LOL)

Something about all his work is that you can kind of see how his art depicts the world. In Hot Daga you get the line “what else can you do in the face of such monumental loss, but breath a weary sigh as the world is a little quieter now.” And in Puppet history you get uh actually you get like 20 things from the meteor song but one of my favorite parts is (read blue as the professor, orange as the meteor, pink as both) “some shit’s just etched into the stars, calamities you cant outrun/and when sweet earth we finally meet/the sky will burn and boil the sea/as mountains rend/its you and me.” i think both these lyrics and these somgs demonstrate a maturity about the world that you dont really see in a lot of people, his general kindness towards anything and everything and his ability to change perspectives on things without being forceful. (On a personal note I listened to The Meteor song after someone I knew passed, and as dumb as it maybe sounds the idea that like,, death is not cruel, you can’t always run and sometimes the best thing you can do is be there with the people you love as the world ends.) and also I think that you really can tell that he views the people he’s telling you about as People and not just like, figures. Ykwim. He shows such genuine respect and care for everyone in these stories and I’ve already like briefly in these stories but like, you KNOW if a guy can make me cry for the Meteor that killed the dinosaurs then he’s something special. i also think the way he portrays death in his work is very comforting as a whole. and another thing speakinf of rhat is that he has so much respect for other cultures in a level I think that goes beyond just bare minimum not being a piece of shit. Like especially when he’s teaching history, an example that always sticks out to me is how much effort he put into making sure people remembered and thought about Hatshepsut by having a whole episode on her history then also making an EXTREMELY (probably intentionally so though i cant be sure bc I can’t reas minds) catchy song that Told you to think of Hatshepsut and explained Why uou should think of Hatshepsut and it’s been stuck in my head ever since I first heard it years ago. Also I’m consistently impressed by his good pronunciation of things, I remember in the Tunguska event episode of mystery files there were so many ppl from tbe area he was talking about shocked by how good his pronunciation was. And ive seen that so many times w him like, idk i just think thats very cool. He’s a genuinely really mature and respectful guy I think. Wise too. So much of his work has educated me, changed my worldview for the better, inspired me. Like He’s so talented ik i keep saying that but HE IS!

Like ok so. He can write both songs and stories beautifully. he’s wise as fuck and could probably be a philosopher. He can make puppets (and just tbc later season puppet history the puppets are not him, but in the early seasons afaik they were all him, so he is definitely skilled at that.), he can sing, he can voice act, his graphics and editing are off the charts, he’s educated and smart, hes funny. He’s so fuckinf cool.

also again getting parasocial here but I just really like how much of a zest for life the guy seems to have. And Honestly im impressed that he worked in retail, had actual trash thrown in his face by an angry customer (true story) and still came out it like “man the world sure is wonderful!”. What a guy. And He’s so fucking weird and interesting and I could seriously just listen to him rant about Literally anything Forever. Anything. It doesnt matter I think he could talk about anything in a way that would make me invested in it and i’d come out of it more educated than before with a fresh new perspective on life.

This is getting Essay-like so here are some other Random Shane Things I know to close me out I guess

-he loves community was in the community fandom and has a crush on troy barnes

-he wants to be a mouse

-he’s lived 7000 years

-

-was DB cooper

-makes a fine ass Krampus

-actually the coolest guy alive

sorry this is almost 100% incomprehensible thank you for letting my autism loose tho

[soleminisanction]

Hullo, I’m a bit nervous to ask this and I’m terrible with formulating my thoughts so, don’t be hesitant to delete this if it doesn’t make any sense, and I don’t even know if you keep up with more modern comics, but I definitely had fallen out of habit of reading the more recently released stuff and would say I’m a good 2-3 years behind what’s going on in the modern ‘batfam’ so to speak. All my socials still follow a lot of comic bloggers though, and I guess I’ve been getting uneasy because there’s this specific scene of Dick Grayson, Damian, Jason, Bruce, and Duke all eating out together. I don’t even know what comic it’s from sorry, idk if you know what I’m referring to. But it’s not exactly about that one panel or the comic itself, which by all measure seems perfectly fine, but the fact that Tim Drake is missing from what seems like a gathering of Robins seems very… purposeful? Idk.

It made me feel really uneasy. Tim is my favorite Robin but in your opinion, if you do keep up with more modern comics, what do you think? Is he being written out? And like. Besides that, I just keep seeing a lot of fanart and stuff that seems to be replacing the younger brother dynamic that Tim and Dick had with one between Damian and Dick. If anything, I had thought that Damian and Dick had more of a father-son bond and I thought that was the more popular and accepted viewing of their relationship until more recently. I’m just sad :( is this all in my head? I feel like Tim is going to be completely replaced at this pace, but maybe I am just being dramatic.

I'm fairly certain the scene you're thinking of is not from a modern comic. That's a scene with the five of them plus Bruce eating out at Bat-burger, yeah? That's not from a recent b comic, that's from around 2017, the period just after Rebirth started when Tim was presumed dead (because he directed a bunch of drones to attack him to save the city and was seemingly blown up but was actually kidnapped by an interdimensional supervillain and held prisoner for a while) and they actually talk about Tim in that scene, though they think he's dead at the time.

So: yes, it's all in your head. He's not being written out. DC's doing a bit of creative reshuffling right now, refreshing their main books after about two years of the current run. The Bat-fam is a big ensemble and sometimes characters slip into supporting roles for a while. It's natural.

Tim got a lot of spotlight last year and into the beginning of this one as one of the primary supporting cast members in Zdarsky's Batman, plus his solo and DC: YJ while they lasted. During that time, Damian wasn't doing nearly as much -- his solo ended and he was mostly on the back burner while other projects were in production. Now the cards have dealt out that Damian's B&R book happens to be active at the same time as that Trinity Supersons whatever and the Boy Wonder, putting him back in the spotlight. Cass is similarly getting a lot of attention right now, while Steph and Duke mostly just show up as cameos. I don't even know what Jason's doing ATM I don't follow his stuff.

They're an ensemble, cycles like this are natural. Bruce is always going to be the most prominent because he's the goddamn Batman and Dick's by far one of the most consistent best sellers so his ongoing is pretty much secure. For everyone else, flux is a pretty standard state of existence and I wouldn't worry too much. Tim's still making plenty of appearances in things like Harley Quinn (Harley's writer seems to like him specifically) and most recently with Dick in Absolute Power. Nobody's getting written out. You can relax.

[tywvin]

hello! i doubt anyone will see this as i don't think any of my mutuals from back then is still active, but how's everyone doing?

i know i've been back and forth with this blog, but this summer i'm doing a lot of... reflecting on things and as it turns out i love editing and creating stuff for media i love and very much enjoy the more pale/b&w aesthetic that was Big™ here back when i was active so i decided to come back here, at least for the time being

i will keep writing under the read more for anyone who's interested but tl;dr is that i'm trying to come back at my own pace without so much stress on keeping a super neat tagging system or aesthetic, just for the sake of going back to my roots (lol) and creating more stuff! if there's still someone out there i'd love to reconnect! <33333

i do have another blog now for more personal stuff & everything that just doesn't fit this blog, you can check it at @joohto. it's under a different account so i can keep things separate!

hi! if you're here i assume you want to know a bit more so let me explain everything a bit. these past few years have been hectic & i can only assume next year will be too, but i kinda miss creating stuff and spending hours creating and not consuming content all the time. as of lately i've been trying to reconnect with my hobbies after a long period of my life being only gym + uni + socializing and i'm realizing how much i missed this </3 so i decided to revive this blog with little to no hope of being super active but definitely the intention of using it to reconnect with my passion for editing!

i've been busy with finishing my bachelor's degree (!!) & my master's degree (!!!!!!) & WORKING (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) for the very first time in my life. needless to say it's been an Experience™ and i've barely had time for anything aside from what i just listed but i'm more and more aware of how much i missed tumblr and how much i want/need a creative outlet so here i am!

i'm still debating over keeping my dark/non-pale sideblog (@fattalflaw) but i will for the time being i think... idk if i'll post anything though :<

also trying to revive @finesources so if any of you are interested in being members too i'm definitely down to talk!!! lmk <3

i don't have much else to say... it feels so weird, but so nice to be back! ~

[stargazingfordreams]

The Stars that missed the Sun

Nyx x Reader

Warning- arrange marriage, cute stuff.

Part one, Part Two, Part Three

Chapter Four

I made my way to the garden. My heart was pounding out of my chest; I could hear the footsteps behind me. It was Nyx who had followed me out. I turned to see him standing there with concern etched on his face.

“What’s wrong?” he asked me, reaching to touch my arm, but I moved away. Avoiding his gaze so he couldn’t see the tears streaming down my face.

“I can’t do this,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper. I can still hear the dinner I stormed out on still in full swing, chatter and laughter going on. But for me, everything was happening in slow motion.

“I can’t pretend that everything is okay when it’s not. I’m sorry” I wrapped my arms around my waist, hoping it would somehow hold me together.

He looked at me for a long moment, his eyes filled with pain “ I understand,” he said softly, “but please don’t push me away. I want to help you, to be there for you”

“I know, I-” I stopped myself. I wanted to give myself completely, I tried to tell him that I was falling for him and that I was getting in my head about us and me being here, I wanted to say to him that I missed my family, but I couldn’t, and it was for so many reasons. I just couldn’t open myself to him but why?

Because what if he leaves? The thought crept into my head. What if he goes like everyone else?

“I want to go back to the townhouse,” was all I said, Hurt was carved into his face, but he took me into his arms and winnowed back to the townhouse.

—----------------------

It has been a few days since the family dinner. I woke up to an empty home; Nyx had gone to work early. I got ready as usual, but the guilt of everything still weighed over me. 

“A walk today, my lady? Maybe to Abrial,” Althaia’s voice took me out of my daydream. 

“Yes, please,” I said, she grabbed my light cloak handing it to me, and I was out the door. Velaris was warming up so nicely. The springtime was beautiful, and I could tell that the summer would be even better, and it was creeping around here so close. Seeing the streets of Velaris brought me some sort of peace.

I had meant to go to Abrial shop, but instead, I found myself standing outside of Feyre’s art studio, I enjoyed Feyre’s creativity, but this was the first time that I had decided to go and see her it was the least I can do after the other night.

I took a deep breath and opened the door entering the serene space. Feyre was sitting at a canvas with paint on her cheek. She held a gentle smile and turned towards me, her eyes filled with warmth.

“Well, hello, sweet girl, what brings you?” she asked. I hesitated for a moment to think what am I doing here. 

“I… I wanted to apologize; I’m sorry for how I left,” I said to her; her smile never faded. She walks up to me gracefully.

“There was never anything to apologize for” She took my hand a lead me further into her studio. The studio was bathed in natural light, and colorful canvases adorned the walls, each telling its own story. I looked around at all of the paintings, and I saw the pottery bathing in the sunlight.

“ Nyx had told me that you painted; I didn’t know you used clay either?” I said as I picked up a beautiful handmade vase.

“I didn’t,” she said. I turned over the vase to see the name carved at the bottom.

“He never told me,” I said, looking over Nyx’s pottery.

“He sometimes takes half a day of work or even after to clear his mind,”I said nothing to her.

“Have a seat; I’ll get you some clay to try,” She said. She gave me a change of clothes, and with a snap of her fingers, my old clothes went back to the townhouse. I sat down and began to work. I wasn’t much of an artist. The piano, poems, and books were more to my taste. But dancing, baking, and art that was always something that never came naturally. Feyre painted in silence while I worked into the clay.

“Love is a complicated journey, but sometimes the path we didn’t choose can lead us somewhere unexpected.” she finally said after some silence.

“Are you speaking from experience?” I had asked 

“Maybe some,” She said with amusement. 

“Is it too late?” I asked her if she understood what I meant. Was it to fix things with Lucien and Nyx as well? He was also owed an apology.

“Nyx has been with you to help you. All you have to do is reach out your hand,” she said 

“Can I ask a favor?” I asked her she gave me a nod.

—--------------------

I stood in the Kitchen, Determined to bake a cake for Nyx. I asked Feyre for the recipe that she got for Elaine. I don’t think for a second that this will make up for what he has done for me so far, but hopefully, it can at least pass for a sorry.

I gathered all the ingredients and mixed everything. The kitchen was filled with the array of ingredients and utensils and the scattering of my failing attempt. 

“Okay, eggs, flour, vanilla…. Where is the vanilla” I moved from cabinet to cabinet until I found it and added some drops to the mix. I wiped my cheek and tried to stir it together. 

“Well, you have been busy.”A voice from the doorway echoed, and I turned to see Nyx leaning against it with an expression that could be confused with admiration.

“Nyx!” I nearly shouted, “your home early. I…I was just-”

“It looks like you were trying to bake” he walked over and peeked into the bowl.

“Yes, trying and failing, so it seems” I leaned against the counter in defeat. He let out a chuckle. 

“Was there a celebration I wasn’t aware of? My birthday has passed, and yours isn’t for another few months.”

“I just wanted to bake a cake. It is the least I can do. I wanted to do something nice,” I said low, He finally walked across the room entirely and stood in front of me.

“The least you could do?”

“After a few days, yeah, the least you have been so kind, warm, inviting. I just want to be a good wife.” after I said that, his eyes held a certain tenderness.

“You are a good wife and an amazing one. You don’t have to bake a cake to tell me that, and for the family dinner.” He took me into his arms, and his face became serious.

“You have been through a lot, and you miss your family. How could I ever fault you for that?”

“So you’re not mad?”

“Not even a little I want to show you something.” He had winnowed us to the river house.

“Come follow me” he took my hand and led me to the part of the property that held what looked like a stable.

“Horses?” I asked, but he only smiled and opened the door, and that was when I saw her.

“Elfia!” I ran and arms around my pegasus neck. She flaps her wings with some excitement.

“But how-”

“I spoke to Helion, who permitted me to take your pegasus. Then Lucien and I spent a few days building it and making the correct accommodations that she would need.

“Lucien helped you?”

“I suppose it’s a family thing apologizing through acts of service.” he came close and gave Elfia a bit of hay. 

“Thank you,” I told him

“Just promise me that when Cassian asks you to race that you beat him, he’s already taking bets.” some pulled in my chest just then, something warm and comforting.

“Oh, before I forget, we have to go back home. I have some for you” This time, I took his hand and winnowed us back home, and next to the mess of ingredients was a box wrapped neatly. I handed it to him. He carefully opened the box and saw what I had made early. A smile so widespread, and he was fighting back a laugh

“It’s amazing, truly,” he had said though his face changed slightly.

“ I worked hard on that, you know,” I said as I tried to take it out of his hand, but he held it too high.

“I never said I didn’t want it; it’s great I can use it for so many things. It’s- what is it supposed to be?” he said as some of his laughter broke free.

“It’s supposed to be a mug. You can put coffee in it when you work from home,” I said, low crossing my arm.

“Awe, okay well, it’s now my favorite mug.”

“We all can’t be amazing an artist like you, Nyx,” I said. He pulled me close.

“Well then, tomorrow I will take off. We can be in the studio, and I can show you how to do things correctly,” he said as he kissed my forehead. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled in for a kiss. His lips moved against mine and synced, and his hands found their way all over my body.

My world just for a moment stood still.

[grape-icing]

hi!! could you write a short story thingy between cg! roxy and regressor! dave? platonic ofc!!! i think roxy would act as a mother figure to dave!!! maybe dave comes over to roxys for a playdate for the first time, and he’s a little nervous to be so vulnerable around someone for the first time!! idk, you can take whatever creative liberty you want with it!! :)) thank you!!

HAIIII IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG!!! IVE HAD TESTING ALL WEEK AND I HAD NO IDEAS!!! SORRY IN ADVANCE IF ITS BAD!!! I'll also post this on ao3 :33333

Actual story!!

Dave was pretty nervous about John's doctor's appointment because he knew John would call a babysitter. Which was fine he supposed due to the fact he already told everyone about his regression but he hadn't been watched by anyone else before. Bluh!!! Even the thought of it made him anxious. Dave curled up next to John, filled with worry.

“Something worry bud?” John questioned the sudden movement of the younger boy.

“Uh no” Dave replied which was a lie because he didn't want John to get worried and potentially miss his appointment. Although now that Dave thought about it….

Well never mind, the mystery babysitter was here. Dave really hoped it wasn't someone in his family.

“Oh! That must be her.” John got up and raced towards the door.

“Hiya Roxy!” Dave was doomed, why did it have to be his mom? Sister? thing of all people, well at least it's not Dirk.

“Ok, so he knows where everything is and stuff. Uh, am I missing anything? Oh, his favorite juice is in the fridge. Shoot I'm already late! Okay got to go, bye Dave I love ya!” John quickly left.

“Hai Davey!” Roxy announced. Dave turned away.

“Oh um okay. Do you want to watch a movie or play or….uhm…do something?” Roxy questioned, trying to get him to do anything.

“No,” Dave said quick and bluntly.

“You don't wanna do…anything like at all? Not even a movie?” Roxy walked over and sat right beside him.

“I- uhm sure, I guess,” Dave replied not trying to hurt his mother's feelings. Dave didn't actually know if Roxy considered herself his mother but she didn't mind being called “Mom” so maybe.

“Good!! So whatcha wanna watch honey?” Roxy reached over to grab the remote.

“Uhm I'm not sure, maybe Octonauts? You can pick if you want though.” Dave said in a softer voice than earlier.

“Nah, Octonauts work!” Roxy quickly put the show on and wrapped an arm around Dave, which he wiggled and squirmed his way out of.

After around 20 minutes Roxy suggested they go outside and get some fresh air which Dave very nervously said yes to.

“Need any help getting your shoes on, baby?” Roxy asked while bending down to him.

“no” Dave stated. Roxy saw right through the lie and helped him tie his shoes.

“Uh m-mom,” Dave muttered.

“Hm? What is it pumpkin?” Roxy questioned as she finished trying the younger one's shoes.

“Nothing much. I was just wondering if it was hot outside.” Dave asked while standing up.

“Oh yeah, it's going to be very hot, perfect for playing!” Roxy said cheerfully while grabbing her purse to leave.

“Oh” whined Dave.

“Is something wrong muffin?” Roxy asked due to the tone of his voice. “If you don't want to play that's okay, we can get ice cream if you want!”

“I want um ice cream, please” Dave followed Roxy onto the front steps.

“Alrighty! We can totes do that, I think there's an ice cream place right around here.”

Roxy carefully held his hand the entire walk home, which Dave thought was nice. After about five minutes of walking, they made it to the ice cream parlor.

“Look! We're here!” Roxy bumped Dave on the shoulder to draw his attention.

“Mhm,” Dave quietly followed his mother over to the counter to order their ice creams.

“Okay I'll have one strawberry ice cream and, what do you want Dave?”

“Uhh cookies and cream please.”

After the two got their ice cream they started to walk back home.

“Hey Rox, do ya know um when dad is going to be home?”

“Yeah, he has to run some errands so it might be another hour or two. Don't worry though! Me and you will have loads of fun.” Roxy reassured him that the time would fly by and she'd be out in no time.

“It's okay if you don't want me to stay. I'm not mad I promise.” Roxy gently stoked his hair.

“N-no I don't want you to leave I just don't want you to uhmm never mind.” Dave quickly cut himself off before starting to try and speed-walk home.

“Dave baby slow down. You can tell me anything! I wouldn't say a peep to anybody, not even John!” Dave hit a full stop when she said that.

“Uhm well that was kinda it, I don't want you to go and talk about me to like, I don't know, Rose or Dirk?” Roxy turned to Dave and pulled him into a hug.

“I would never do that, but I can understand why you would think that. Hehe, I talk a bunch so it's reasonable.”

Dave and Roxy stood, embraced in that hug for at least a minute straight before going back to walking again.

Once the two of them returned to the house Roxy decided it would be best just to stay home due to the heat instead of playing outside. Roxy put Dave’s show back on before realizing he was probably still hungry.

“Hey sweet pea, you hungry?” Dave silently nodded. While Roxy went to cook him something, Dave slowly moved over to where he kept all of his little items but started to hesitate, finally, he picked up his bottle.

“Whatcha messing with Dave?” Roxy asked, coming into the room to check on him.

“Uh n-nothing?” Dave squealed out as he quickly shoved what he was holding behind his back.

“Are you sure? Because that didn't seem like nothing?” Roxy questioned as she got closer. “What’s behind your back, Dave?”

“Nothing like I said!” Dave said in an elevated tone, leaning away from her, trying to conceal what was behind him.

“Dude, I need to see what's behind you so I can make sure it’s nothing dangerous.” Roxy pulled his arms away from his back, which was surprisingly easy.

“Pumpkin if you wanted a drink you could have just asked. I'll bring it when I bring your food. I'll be right back!” Roxy placed a small kiss on his forehead and went back to the kitchen.

While Roxy was in the kitchen she quickly filled up his bottle with the apple juice in the fridge, Grabbed his food, and made her way back into the living room. When she got there she handed him the plate.

“Um, thanks” Dave muttered while eating a big spoonful.

“Of course!” Roxy answered.

“Oh, wait! Here’s your bottle, sweetie.” Roxy handed him his cup and sat down beside him. Dave mumbled something inaudible and shoved it where it couldn’t be seen due to him being embarrassed by it. Which obviously confused Roxy.

“You okay little dude? I saw you hiding your drink, any reason for it? if it’s because of me, you don't gotta worry, I don't care whatcha do as long as you’re not getting hurt or making a mess.” Roxy moved closer so she was basically right against Dave’s back, She gave him a small hug from behind. Dave leaned into her warm embrace and cautiously reached for his bottle, looking over at Roxy to make sure she wouldn't judge him or anything like that. Roxy planted a small kiss on his head as he finally started to drink his juice. After around twenty minutes Roxy pulled a blanket over him as soon as she realized he was asleep.

“Hey! I'm back!” John announced, getting cut off by a loud “shhh!!” from Roxy.

[hauntedwoman]

tagged by @youngestdaughtersyndrome and @glassangels (thank you <3333)

are you named after anyone ? yes i'm named after my nana !! (my full name is margaret hehe)

2. when was the last time you cried? a couple of weeks ago when i was saying goodbye to my cousin who moved out of state w her boyfriend so he can complete his residency for med school................. partly bc i miss her a lot but also bc i genuinely feel like i am never going to experience healthy romantic love i feel like it wasn't made for me HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

3. do you have kids? does my cat count bc i raised her from a little baby kitten she was so tiny she fit in the palm of my hand :3

4. what sports do you play/have played? i was on a swim team all throughout junior high and high school and sometimes i miss just mindlessly swimming laps and getting lost in the pure muscle memory of it but then i remember getting up at 5am on saturdays to go to meets and i realize i can live without it 5. do you use sarcasm? my favorite show is daria u tell me

6. what's the first thing you notice about someone? usually eyes or clothing. living in a place where it's rare to find other ppl my age that dress "alt" i'm always looking for ppl that have interesting personal style.

7. eye color? not to be some annoying white girl on main but they change depending on what i'm wearing. they're usually either blue or gray or a teal color.

8. scary movies or happy endings? considering nothing in my life has ever worked out the way i want it to i can't relate to happy endings. almost all of my favorite films have heavy horror or psychological thriller aspects

9. any talents? i'm a pretty decent singer. i was trained classically and sang in choirs for like seven years, so i also know how to read music. other than that i think i'm really good at interior decorating or just being able to make things "aesthetically pleasing". i also think i'm a pretty good writer and that i manipulate language in a really unique form that gives way to a really clear voice in my work.

10. where were you born? simferopol, ukraine

11. hobbies? journalling, staring into the void, photographing/exploring abandoned buildings, grieving, making playlists for every emotion i've ever felt, clinging onto a past that everyone else has forgotten about except me, reading books that make me feel like i need a lobotomy, antique shopping, blackberry picking, sunbathing, being a heinous bitch

12. any pets? i have two cats (phantasma and smokey), and then my mom and sister have four dogs between the both of them so i am constantly living in autistic hell (they never stop barking and chewing up my stuff)

13. height? 5'4" (162.5cm) i'm so sorry to expose myself as Tiny i know i give off Tall Energy

14. favorite school subject? overall i'd say english but i've also thoroughly enjoyed a bunch of different courses i've taken in college like stage makeup, medieval and modern theatre, and all of my creative writing courses

15. dream job? i simply do not dream of labor but since i can only get a serotonin rush from buying clothes i don't need it would be pretty swaggy if i could be a published author or if i could work in the music industry somehow, perhaps at a radio station with my own radio show or even making my own music. i also deeply miss my job at the used bookstore i had during the worst summer of my life. something about being surrounded by books all day is so comforting.

tagging: @arunima @symptomofloves @discoidal @diabolicjoy @severrance and anyone else that wants to do this <33

[vaninakan]

Late night thoughts vol. 1

It's 4 am and I cannot sleep so I'm just gonna splooge some random thoughts that I have (some positive, some negative, and some that's probably just nonsense.)

Uhh, I like to get negatives out of the way first so I guess I can start with that.

- Does anyone else miss when art/animation communities felt more niche but open? I'm particularily talking about the animation meme community here cause that's a community I've more or less lurked in for a long time. I remember a time when there was the big three of animation memes a lot of people and myself were inspired by. (I'm referring to early 2010's creators like Kay2036, Ezpups and Caramelcat123) It feels silly to say that what got me into art were a bunch of independent artists animating anime cats fighting eachother, but that's exactly what happened. I loved these creators (still do) and I looked forward to seeing what else these creators had to offer. As time went on, more creators came in the fray with a lot of cool talent and craftmanship and it was honestly very cool seeing what everyone had to offer. That's something I loved most about AMC, that so many were able to feel free to create whatever they wanted and how wonderful it paid off to see that creativity put into so many special masterpieces of independent art and animation, and that's something I'll always admire. So it breaks my heart to see what the AMC has became. Don't get me wrong, there's still a ton of great artists out there and y'all are fantastic, but I cannot help but feel like the environment in that community especially had gotten a lot more vile than what it started off as. To be fair, that's pretty much any community these days, I'm well aware of that. But I have never seen so much drama, so much infighting, and so much people being deplorable to eachother in my life that it's honestly sickening! I've always wanted to make my own animation memes and I still do, I have a TON of ideas I'd love to get to eventually, but if I ever decide to post them, don't expect me to engage much with the rest of the community. IMO, the best communities you can have are the small close ones you have with your best pals.

- For the past few years, I've been distancing myself from big social media branches and fandoms because of how toxic the environments can be for some of these spaces especially, and it's honestly helped a lot with my mental health (Deleting my Twitter and moving here has honestly been one of the best things I've done last year). It's partially why I've stopped posting so frequently, because really the only people I truly care about pleasing are me and all my close friend groups and found families I've built. I don't really care about statistics and platform building, if people like my stuff, then that's cool. I can look at a post I made with bigger numbers than usual and go "huh, that's pretty neat" and then move on talking about a crossover AU I've been cooking up with my boyfriend. That's not to say I don't appreciate my followers or people who like my content, I do. But know that what I make isn't catered to what'll get me the most attention, it's what'll make me and my family happy. And if people like that, then that's cool. Maybe every now and then I'll ask my followers what they'd like to see, maybe a fanart raffle or sketch request event, I think that'd be nice. But for the most part, this page is very, and I mean VERY self indulgent.

- Uhh I've been doing okay for the most part, personal issues I don't wanna get to aside. I've mainly been working on plushies, commissions and other self indulgent projects. I mentioned before that I got into the latest Cookie Run game, and that's pretty cool. I've mostly focused on making art for that and mine and my boyfriend's OC/AU projects. I'll post more about it when I get there, but for now uhh... gay people.

You'll learn who these guys are soon enough, for now you'll only get name drops

The big gruff fellow is a lava rock golem named Vulcan and the pretty boy is named Jack Frosting.

- And I think that's mostly it for tonight? This post took me a full hour to write so it's actually 5 now as I'm finishing up oops..

My sleep schedule's fucked.

Uhh any final words before I pass out? Hmm..

Gender dysphoria sucks okay BYYYEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

[bcolfanfic]

all the #young vet au world building and background posts are sooo good <3

would love love love to know more about how the boys were able to 'date' when they first got together - the stuff you're already explored (like the first kiss) makes my heart ache with the cuteness

(i'm sorry if i missed it but are they the same age as the #mota boys here?)

good luck with your busy week :)

yeahh the ages are more or less the same!!! i have it in my head (and in the planning doc for the during-war fic that may or may not be written...eventually) that gale enlists when he's 21/bucky is 3 years older than him. i ended up bumping curt's age up by a year bc i wanted him to have an extra year on bucky lol, and ken is still the wittle baby of the gang! everyone else i could not tell you their birthdays off the top of my head anyways lmfao so you can just assume theyre the same age as they are in the show/historically. putting a chunk of my during-war planning doc below for ref but it is very word salady so sorry about that!

(while i loveee hyperrealism i am fucking a whole lot with how exactly tech school works bc i still wanted the bucks to both be pilots alongside being security forces/EOD and that's...not exactly how the air force works in reality lol. the path to be a pilot is completely diff then basic -> tech school. butttt this is a work of fanfic so in the interest of grinding my teeth and taking some creative liberties flight school is built into tech school and they maybe continue flight training while they're in africa. also random side bar, re: actually fully leaving the air force aftert they leave afghanistan, i currently have croz in my mind as staying in. lives in the uk bc he ended up getting sent to a RAF base that supports the us air force there, maybe RAF mildenhall? rosie also stays in for a lil longer because he almost goes down the JAG path but decides not to. still have to figure out what exactly im doing with the others outside of the core four who do just get straight out (core four as in bucky/gale/curt/ken).)

anyyways....to your actual question LOL. like i've said before i think it gets more practical when they're in afghanistan. obv *war wise* its more chaotic but they have their lil bunk room with curt and dickie and can let their guard down a little more. not just with them but with the other guys that they become closer with. it's still not ideal and they still can't manitain a relationship like they'd be able to in the states but. they find 'their things'. when i was messing with tech school stuff i threw around something that curt kinda ribs at them for being sitting practically in each other's laps on the couch when reading for class. and given how bookish they both are (gale more non-fictiony, bucky fiction) i think that'd be a cute lil something they do overseas too as ~enrichment time~. and if one or both of em has had a really rough day maybe instead of doing their own silent reading one of them reads out loud to the other one. it's just comforting <3 its the little things that are the Big things over there bc it does take an actual effort to make even that time for each other y'know? apparently bagram had a tiny subway that was open 24 hours a day, makes me chuckle thinking about them going there at odd hours, maybe when they can't sleep, just to be together when its mostly quiet.

[maythedreadwolftakeyou]

sorry to message but i just wanted to yell because I saw a post and yOU’RE THE AUTHOR OF FALLOUT FROM THE FADE ???? oh my goodness it’s my favourite fic ive read it SO many times.

i left a comment on ao3 last night because i finished reading it again and i just genuinely hope one day you finish it (i understand you have much going on i am just greedy).

but yes thank you so much for creating it, fenris and hawke are everything to me and this fic is my canon no matter what happens in veilguard. 💜

hahaha HELLO yes that is indeed I... I guess i do owe a little bit of an explanation here since its been uh... like 4 years since I last updated, yeah :| But it still makes me so happy that even after so long people still enjoy my little pile of suffering and yearning!

I don't know how many people who used to follow it are still on tumblr (I think a lot of people i used to write with/who would comment have deleted their tumblrs and AO3 accounts in the intervening years alas) but i do I owe anyone remaining a little context I guess lol. Long story made short is like very shortly after my last update i got broken up with unexpectedly from my 4 year relationship, and went into a bit of a spiral about it. I didn't fully stop writing at this point (though I think nothing I wrote in that like... year or more ended up posted anywhere), but I did realize that when I went to work on my ongoing stuff I was in a place where I was like... only wanting to write about anger/losing relationships rather than healing ones. And that part of me wanted to change some of the things I had planned for the following parts and ending of Fallout From the Fade. And so I decided to take a step back from it for a while to see if I actually wanted to make those changes when I was less bitter or if I wanted to follow my original plan.

And that took me about a year, emotionally. However by then I had actually left my prior job (where I spent a lot of time hiking/camping in the wilderness of Utah with no internet, and I used that time for writing), and started graduate school courses. Aaaannnd grad school has been slowly eating my life since. I've only posted I think one other fanfic since then, and it was a very short prose-poem one shot. Another contributing factor was my gaming tech was too old to actually play Trespasser when it came out, and by the time I got a laptop that could handle it, I had to replay the whole game but I was working full time, etc... and i felt really disconnected from the DA fandom since I couldn't read all the new fic/understand all the lore deep dive posts/experience it with everyone else simultaneously. Oh yeah and I work a second job as a professional mermaid in varying degrees of intensity depending on the season/oportunties available haha.

All that being said. I actually have written more of FFtF in the last 2 years. But like I said in the other post I made kinda recently, the long gaps between my later updates (vs the ones I was doing way more regularly in 2016-2018) had me rethink the approach I was using to write and post it, which was a chapter at a time. It felt like stringing people along in kind of a mean way to dump a chapter and then vanish for another year, and I knew I couldn't promise consistency while doing a masters/PhD program. So I've been kind of fiddling away at it slowly still, both actual writing of following chapters, and some substantial firming up/drafting sections in my outline to get to the eventual ending and ensure it's more cohesive than a lot of my slapdash chapters. But! Idk! I do also def work slower without the fun of having an audience, and miss that. and I never actually asked of the people who are left and still wanna read more of it, if they'd rather just get a chapter every 6 months or so as I scrounge it out. If you are one of those people and have an opinion def let me know.

I will say, the imminent presence of Veilguard does have me more inspired and creative again, and some of that has been going to Fallout. Especially since I'm no longer watching the videos/gameplay bioware is putting out since they have SOOO many spoilers and I wanna go into the game at least semi blind, so my creative energy has to go towards my personal stuff rather than joining everyone else in speculation and hype now. I'm definitely not promising I will have it close to finished by October when Veilguard releases, because I'm still in grad school and the next months are busy for me in terms of mermaid work too, but I am hoping I can make some good chunks of progress between now and then. But then if I say that and can't follow through after all I also don't wanna let people down.

Anyway yeah, it's sort of a lot of conflicting thoughts. But I'm still rotating Hawke and Fenris and this fic in my mind even these years later... which for me is honestly pretty normal. I mean I have whole original novels/worldbuilding ideas/etc that I've worked on for 10-15 years in my own time haha, I've been writing fiction for fun since I was like 10, so I think I also just think of stories/writing across a bigger timeline than people who start writing with fanfiction (which is MUCH faster paced) than original fiction. The difference of course is no one sees my original stuff so there's no one to care if i take 2 years between chunks of progress. SO I guess what I am trying to say is, yes definitely it is not abandoned, I am plodding away at it bit by bit, I also hope I can finish it one day!!!! that is within this decade i hope! whether or not anyone else is left to read it but me haha

[wheeboo]

Talk about your moots; what do you like most about them (could be a paragraph or a single sentence, spread the love!!)

omgomg okay lets do this guys. just know i luv every single one of you and without any of you i would not be where i am rn today!! i'm sorry if u were not included its prob bcuz we haven't interacted much yet but i also suck at communicating lmaosdjfldjkkfds i really do not deserve any of you istg

@ylliris-hanniehae - ylli is so sweet n comforting :(( like she's been with me since almost the beginning of me posting on tumblr here and she's been so supportive ever since!! i love the conversations that we have together and she really feels like a little sister to me!! she deserves all the happiness in the world fr

@fairyhaos - yena was the first person i asked to be moots with on here LOL and i remember being like "omfg should i send the ask should i send it" and well i don't regret it one bit!! she's so bubbly and sweet and i will never not say this- she always puts on smile on my face as well as everyone elses!! her fics are also soo comforting and so creative i love it sm

@etherealyoungk - skye is SOO lovely like i remember the moment she liked my mingyu fic and me freaking out like I RECOGNISE THAT NAME RIGHT THERE and i dont regret asking to be moots with her!! i love when she checks in with not just me but everyone else around her she's just so sweet n caring :(( i also love when we randomly scream abt different dramas together lmaoo

@slytherinshua - zanna and i just clicked like a snap the moment we started talking and istg she's so entertaining and funny like there's never a dull moment talking to her!! i love screaming about park jihoon and kdramas w her!! she’s also introduced to so many new groups i’m grateful for that. i also adore our late night music sessions and when we watch dramas together and cry and laugh and just everything

@mirxzii - roxie deserves all the happiness n love and she's so supportive n so silly too !! also i think she's soo relatable w some of the stuff she has said lmaoo it's so goofy and she's also been with me since the very beginning and i very much thank her for that

@rubywonu - nia i miss her so much she's been busy w school so we haven't been able to talk a lot so everyone SEND LOVE TO HER RN. i remember silently gushing abt the love series she made with svt members and being moots and getting to know her i see she's so sweet n chill but ik she got that lil chaotic side to her

@icyminghao - noelle every time i interact w her i just have this giddy smile on my face like its so refreshing to talk to her!! she's busy these days cuz of exams so everyone PLS send love to her too. shes so sweet n i lLOVE it when she screams in caps its the most hilarious thing ever

@wqnwoos - hana her writing istg literally the best thing ever?? its like so delicate but also gets me giggling n kicking my feet fr HAHA like i love it sm. she's such a sweet n chill person to interact with i really hope that i could talk to her more. i also love the poems and words that she reposts because YES i see them it reminds of those poem slideshows on tiktok that either got me crying or the most relatable thing ever

@hannyoontify - kie is so lovely i really hope i can talk to her more!! she's just so sweet n nice n very supportive! also shes like a drum major so hella kudos to her for that such a hardworking queen fr!! i can't wait to interact w her more because ik she's a very fun person to talk to

@toruro - mika i still don't understand how i managed to be moots w her like i admire her sm!! her writing never fails to amaze me like i NEED her brain rn and shes just so pretty?? will never deny that i have a platonic crush on her lmaoo!! and whenever we talk it feels very comfortable and natural it kinda reminds me of catching up with a friend over coffee tbh

@kyeomyun - jada is SOO LOVELY N SUPPORTIVE i always love seeing her pop up in my notifs or inbox and when we scream at each other sometimes LMAO. she's just such a very fun person to talk and i hope we can have more one on one conversations w each other bcuz ik for a fact we're both gonna be screaming over SOMETHING

@blue-jisungs - axe is SO funny and bright and whenever she pops up in my notifs it literally brightens my day sm. like she's just soo infectious that i just can't help but smile?? also she loves kdramas so i hope one day we can scream at each other abt it because YES. her nails and hair are also slay ik for a fact she rocks anything

[trashcritter]

Writer Interview Tag!

Ngl kind of chuckled to myself when @lolliputian tagged me in this, because I hardly consider myself a writer. I’ve written two full stories, only published one of them on ao3, that doesn’t feel like it counts. BUT. The questions were intriguing and I liked filling them out and thinking about this stuff. I’m tagging @boobcratchit and @el-inle and @poetryvampire and also anyone else who wants to steal this.

When did you start writing?

I mean as a kid I thought of myself as something of a creative writer through middle school, but something changed in high school where I suddenly decided I couldn’t do it anymore (probably just being an anxious perfectionistic teenager, honestly), and I transitioned to solely academic writing. I went to law school and became strictly a legal writer—and a damn good one. But I left my last writing-heavy job in 2020 and basically didn’t write anything until a couple of months ago, where for some reason I finally was able to rip the bandaid off.

Are there any specific themes or genres that you enjoy reading other than what you write?

Sci fi, horror, and I’m also a sucker for brain candy romance novels.

Is there a writer that you want to emulate or get compared to often?

Lol almost nobody is reading anything I’m writing yet, so no one is making any comparisons. I’m really just in a fact finding and developing phase of my writing as a creative pursuit—everything I’m reading I’m trying to think of what I like about it and how those things are being accomplished. So I guess I’m trying to emulate everyone right now as I work to find my own preferences.

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

I’ve been doing a lot of writing on my phone of all places. For whatever reason, it’s the cheat code to bypass the “writing = SERIOUS BUSINESS” panic moment in my brain that has kept me from transitioning from legal writing to writing as a creative pursuit. Occasionally I’ll hop on my desktop computer, and that is where I do most editing.

What is your most effective way to muster up a muse?

I don’t know yet! I’m mostly a visual artist, and I know that in that realm the best thing I can do for an idea is get it down on paper or in clay ASAP. I’ve been doing the same thing with my writing. Have an idea? A few lines? Throw it down in a new note. I find the ones I keep coming back to, whether it’s a project or a story, are the ones that are ready to have something made of them.

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

I’ve been really interested in grief and loss as of late. My first piece that I shared with the world earlier this summer is on its surface a really sweet happy little story, but it’s driving point for me was one of grief, and I’m not sure it reads as super bittersweet (it wasn’t intended to), but I know that it’s a very bittersweet story at least for me personally. I keep coming back to a piece lately that is more obviously about immediate loss as well as the consequences of old loss that has gone ungrieved.

Something that is less of a theme and more stylistic is I’m very interested in the flow and musicality of my words. All of my best physical art has a certain movement and musicality to it, and I feel like I’m constantly trying to bring that into my writing as well.

What is your reason for writing?

When I wrote as a large part of my career, I loved the power behind my words. I am a really good legal writer. I’m persuasive as fuck and I am excellent at evoking the emotion and the viewpoint I want my reader to have. I loved that feeling and found that I missed it once I stopped. So I write to recapture the feeling of command and control over language, for one. But also I write because it gives a voice to the words that I would say naturally if I could, but don’t really seem like they belong in every day speech. And I’m finding that I enjoy putting my blorbos in situations and seeing what they do. It’s imaginative in a way that is very different from visual art. Finally, it’s giving me a place to process things in a new way. And I really love being able to share those thoughts and feelings with others; we both discover we aren’t so alone when we connect over writing.

Is there any specific comment or type of comment that you find particularly motivating?

When people call out individual snippets of writing that they particularly thought were beautiful, that brings me such joy. But otherwise just getting encouraging notes has been great. I’m so new to this art form, I know I’m still very much a developing writer, and that things are rough around the edges. But being able to be welcomed by others and have fun with them is really wonderful.

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

I have no idea. Somebody called my writing very introspective, and I really felt proud of that comment. I think it *is* quite introspective, and I like that. I like taking the inner world and giving it voice.

What do you think is your greatest strength as a writer?

I have no idea what I’m doing. No really—there’s a freedom to being a beginner that you can’t get back. I don’t think my writing is always very effective yet, but I do think it’s honest and unconstrained. In time I’ll learn to build guardrails and give it more shape, but the key I think is maintaining that honesty. And that’s hard to do once you know what you’ve been doing “wrong” the whole time. I’m in no hurry to learn lol.

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely for yourself, or a mix of both?

Oh this is all purely self indulgent bullshit.

How do you feel about your own writing?

I’m pretty self conscious of it right now because I can tell it’s not where I want it to be. And of course it isn’t—I’ve been practicing this skill for a few months, tops? I think it’s better than average for that timeline, but it’s by no means great. I’m trying to be okay with not being great though—it’s good practice for me (or so my therapist says ;) ). I think I’ve got some good ideas, and occasionally lightning strikes and I can create a really solid few sentences. But I can’t yet do it consistently. I just don’t know enough yet. But I’m having *fun* and nobody is paying me for it, and it’s nice to just be able to let something be.